Child custody is about the child, not a competition of parents

When parents go through divorce in Orange County, California, emotions are part of the equation. The separating spouses may feel angry and, at the same time, remorseful over the marital split. Sometimes, parents keenness to leave the relationship blinds them from their emotions. When this happens, they may miss out on an important concern they should not have: the best interests of their children.

According to a psychotherapist who specializes in mediation, usually, spouses point out the flaws of their ex-spouse in order to gain custody of their children. But, according to an expert, professionals view settling the custody arrangement objectively. This means that no matter how hard a former spouse tries to win sympathy, awarding child custody will be based on facts and observation.

Additionally, the therapist added that the parent should view the custody settlement from the child’s perspective. Divorced parents should think seriously because they need to weigh in on the effects of estranging the child from either parent. At the same time, the parents should understand that while divorce may leave them with negative feelings for each other, they should still make sure that the child regards both parents in a positive manner.

One way to lessen the problem is mediation. Mediation can relieve both parents from setting up rules that can cause future problems. For example, parents have to consider if their rules make sense for their child. Do the rules unnecessarily bind the child and limit her scope of interests?

Child custody should not be a source of extreme conflict between parents: the stakes are simply too high for the child caught in the middle. If parents cannot resolve custody issues amicably, they may want to consult professionals who can help them do so.

Source: Psychology Today, “Three Rules for Negotiating Child Custody,” Ugo Uche, June 17, 2013