Orange County Family Law Blog | The Law Offices of Dorie A. Rogers, APC
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Healing after divorce takes time. Here are some things to consider "letting go."

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when something or someone was holding up your own progress or success? Perhaps, after realizing this, you decided it was best to end a friendship or to part with whatever it was that was causing you to lose focus on your ultimate goals. People who are going through divorce may be able to relate to these issues.

People experience a wide range of emotions when taking steps to end a marriage. You might be angry about certain incidents or about obstacles that your spouse has caused to delay your settlement. You may also feel sad, worried or lonely as you prepare to begin living as a single person again. Here are some things to consider that could be helpful for your emotional recovery.

Don't harbor animosity in child support cases

One of the biggest adjustments for adults who are going through a divorce is learning how to handle the finances. This is especially true when you are going from a two-income household to a single-income home. The challenge is exacerbated when there are children in the picture. You have to make sure that they have what they need. Child support might help you do this.

In many cases, the child support matter is one that causes issues. The paying parent might resent having to pay the recipient. This can harbor great feelings of animosity, but it really shouldn't. Parents who are ordered to pay child support should remember that their ex isn't the one who is getting the money. Instead, that parent is only accepting money on behalf of the children. We realize this can be hard to remember, but it might make the parent who pays the support feel much better about the situation.

Are you up against a divorce bully?

Your spouse has never really acted aggressively toward you before, but that all changed when you filed for divorce. Now your spouse has been bullying you and trying to take control of the divorce, twisting the process to their own advantage.

You may be facing a divorce bully, and the split actually brings out these tendencies. They attempt to intimidate you and get what they want out of the divorce. You need to know exactly how to deal with it.

Plan for the first holiday season after your divorce

With the winter holidays coming up fast, some newly single parents might find themselves nervous about what's to come. The first holiday season after divorce is usually filled with a wide of emotions. Knowing what to expect and making a plan for things that are occurring might help you to feel more in control and better able to cope.

You will likely need two plans — one for when the kids are with you and one for when you are alone. Giving both equal thought can help you to balance what you have planned for the season.

3 questions that help determine if a prenup is valid

While many prenups will stand in court, do not assume that yours has to just because you both signed it. The judge has a lot of power in a case like this, and there are reasons he or she can declare the agreement to be invalid.

To determine if this is the case, the judge may start by asking three very important questions:

Custody schedules usually change when a child is a teenager

When your children are young, you were able to make all the decisions about them. Once you have teens, things get a bit more complex. Teens typically have their own schedules. They are learning how to become productive adults and have to be given the freedom to make some of their decisions on their own. This is complicated a bit when you have a child custody agreement in place.

One thing to remember is that the parenting schedule you had when the teen was younger probably won't work. In most cases, your teen will have a lot more activities as they get older. This might work against the child custody agreement terms so you will have to look into getting a child custody modification that meet the child's current needs.

California law changes pet custody in divorce

Starting next year, California courts will no longer treat domestic pets solely as property in a divorce. Sponsored by Assemblyman Bill Quirk, D-Hayward, Assembly Bill 2274 will determine the continuity of a pet's care in California couples' divorce proceedings.

The new bill establishes that a spouse may petition the California family law courts for either joint or sole ownership of the family pet. Said ownership will be based on previous care of the animal, including providing:

  • Water
  • Food
  • Protected, safe shelter
  • Vet care
  • Preventing acts of cruelty and harm

Getting divorced? Where will your pet live?

Is your household one of the 67 percent of homes in the U.S. that includes a pet? If so, and if you're getting divorced, issues regarding your pet may be a central focus. Just as you may have to make some important decisions as a parent regarding child custody and support, it is also critical that you and your spouse agree about pet care.

Pets are technically considered a matter of property division as opposed to custody. However, it is becoming more common for courts to approve agreements between spouses that include written plans for sharing pets. If you or your kids simply can't bear the thought of re-homing your dog, cat or other special family pet, you may be able to execute a plan that provides for the animal's future care and keeps everyone in the family happy as well.

Elements of a good post-divorce parenting plan

Whether you were married for only a few years or for several decades, it's never easy to come to terms with the fact that your marriage isn't going to last a lifetime. Divorce is tough, and when children are involved, it's even tougher. However, getting divorced doesn't make you a bad parent.

As all good parents understand, the children's best interests are the highest priority when mapping out a plan for the future after a divorce. If you and your spouse are like-minded on all the major issues, such as where your kids will live, who will share holidays with them, what school they'll attend, etc., you may not encounter any serious obstacles; but if you disagree, there may be serious challenges ahead.

5 important things to remember during a divorce

When you decide that you are going to divorce, you need to ensure that you aren't doing anything that is going to sabotage your case. There are many things that might do this so you need to take a look at what's going on and make a plan for how you will handle it all.

Divorce is a time that is going to impact your finances and emotions right now, but those impacts might go into the future. Here are some things for you to consider if you are in this position now:

  • Try to remain calm. Getting upset or frustrated could lead you to do or say things that you don't mean or that are best left alone.
  • Be careful on social media. The things you post on social media can be used in a divorce, so think before you post. Things like pictures of you on vacation could be construed as you hiding assets.
  • Find out what options you have. Oftentimes, there is more than just one option that can resolve a matter. This is especially true if you are negotiating with your ex over the divorce matters.
  • Hold off on big life changes. You might want to move to a new city or change jobs. Wait on this until after the divorce is over and you have a chance to think clearly about your future.
  • Put your children first. Divorce is hard on the kids. Do your best to help them adjust to the changes so that they can begin to feel secure in their new way of life.