Have you ever experienced a time in your life when something or someone was holding up your own progress or success? Perhaps, after realizing this, you decided it was best to end a friendship or to part with whatever it was that was causing you to lose focus on your ultimate goals. People who are going through divorce may be able to relate to these issues.
People experience a wide range of emotions when taking steps to end a marriage. You might be angry about certain incidents or about obstacles that your spouse has caused to delay your settlement. You may also feel sad, worried or lonely as you prepare to begin living as a single person again. Here are some things to consider that could be helpful for your emotional recovery.
Learning to let go
Some people feel as if they're in mourning when they first get divorced. It's understandable if you feel a similar loss; however, if one of your main goals is to move on and build a happy, new lifestyle for yourself and your kids, the following "letting-go's" may be worth considering:
- Let go of your sorrow: Everyone who gets divorced has to come to terms with their own specific situation. If you feel that sadness is weighing you down and keeping you from moving toward a better future, then the decision to leave your sadness behind could be a good first step. That may be easier said than done, but knowing that it's a decision you can make could be helpful once you decide to make it.
- Let go of your anger: Especially if your relationship with your ex is contentious, it's a good idea to try to let go of any anger you may be harboring. Anger can cause stress, which can cause adverse physical and mental health.
- Let go of items that keep you from moving on: There may be some items you want to keep because they remind you of happier times when you and your spouse were close or when you were raising your children together. However, if there are things, such as cards, photos, jewelry or gifts you received on your wedding day that bring you down emotionally every time you look at them, it might be best to let them go.
Another big thing that can make it difficult to heal emotionally after divorce is your house. If you and your spouse lived there together for many years, it may be too emotionally challenging to stay there. If you must stay, due to financial reasons or issues involving your children, it's a good idea to give the rooms a fresh coat of paint and to change the décor or furnishings as you're able, to give it all a new look.
Where to seek support
If you or your children are having trouble handling the emotional aspects of divorce, you can reach out for support in your community, perhaps from a trusted friend, a licensed counselor or an experienced family law attorney, especially if troubling issues involve a legal matter.